Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
