Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
