at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
