Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
