why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
how drunk are you?
Several
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
