I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Let's get the cat blown out
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
