omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
