he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
