member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
