im drinking this country out of the recession.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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