when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
