I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
