maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
