i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
