We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
