I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
