I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
