I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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