Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
