You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
