if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
