I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
