I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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