so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
