On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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