No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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