Swine flu. Run for my life!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
