if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
