it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I got her a Nickelback box set.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
