Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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