You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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