I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
