Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
