i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
