You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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