...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
