His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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