i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
