did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
where are my eyebrows?
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