If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
