I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We have started to decorate penises.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
