i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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