Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
