He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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