the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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