my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
