You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
