I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
