I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
