Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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