Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
