Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
